This is clearly one of those "A hole's a hole" situations
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
Randomize
