You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
Randomize
