I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
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