i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
Why dose there have to be another girl there for you to do this?
its hotter. Way hotter.
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
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