We named our party play list daddy issues
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
Randomize
