dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
This is the prime rib incident all over again
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
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