Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
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