I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
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