I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
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