You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
Randomize
