I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
I can't turn off my feet"
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
Randomize
