therell be strippers and coke right?
no strippers. just coke.
i hate this fuckin recession
He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
Randomize
