i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
Randomize
