I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
Randomize
