I only want to know people that are dynamic intelligent and totally insane
I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
People with herpes should wear stickers.
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
Randomize
