the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
Randomize
