btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
Randomize
