he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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