apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
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