I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
Randomize
