I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Randomize
