I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
Randomize
