ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
Randomize
