Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
Randomize
