Look at my ENTIRE past
Highly public sexual behavior gross mismanagement of funds socially unaccpetable and radical speech and thought
Might as well have a blog about it at this point
apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
Randomize
