i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
Randomize
