So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
Randomize
