one two three fourrrrnication!
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
Randomize
