I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
Randomize
