just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
Randomize
