i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
Randomize
