Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
Randomize
