I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
Randomize
