3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
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