shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
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