The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
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