they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
Randomize
