Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
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