My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
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