I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
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