Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
Randomize
