i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
Randomize
