she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
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