And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
Randomize
