Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
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