he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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