Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
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