I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
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