Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
how drunk are you?
Several
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
Randomize
