please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
Randomize
