history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
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