Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
Randomize
