becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
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