she was so not down for the gang bang
The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
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