She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
Randomize
