if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
It really wasn't that bad. Well, it was pretty bad, but only in 3 second bursts.
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
Randomize
