so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
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