i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
Randomize
