Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
Panties = found
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
Randomize
