This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
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